Sunday, July 14, 2013

Fertility acupuncture

Yesterday I had my first fertility acupuncture appointment.  This is a woman I've seen in the past who is also an allergy elimination specialist.  I am always amazed at the knowledge non-medical people offer, and yet the medical doctors are the last to be willing to offer this information.  In fact, it is only by me finding out from someone else what I should have tested, that they will even talk to me about it.  And even then, it is pulling teeth to get things tested.  Oh well, I could stand on that soapbox forever, but I will get off it right now.
Anyhow, I felt much more balanced after acupuncture.  She wants to see me again on day 20 of my cycle to help with a progesterone boost around the time that implantation would be happening.  Lots more I learned in this visit.  Didn't know this.  She also suggested I try an OTC progesterone cream.  I, for one, am skeptical of hormones; my own, and especially not my own.  I feel out of balance hormonally, and I feel the only true way to address this is through my diet and lifestyle.  I am working like crazy to keep my diet in check, but hard to do this in a non-militant and stress-free way. 
I will wait until I see the medical fertility specialist on Tuesday before I decide on the hormone cream.  I am going to demand some specific bloodwork, and see where this takes me.  I hope for their sake they just do the damn bloodwork.
I am excited for acupuncture.  The multiple corkboard photos of "acu-babies" was quite re-assuring.  I hope my baby's photo will be up there soon.  Speaking of which, I dreamt of my baby the night before this acupuncture session.  It was very "real" feeling.  I felt contractions of my labor, I saw and held my baby, as did my husband.  A baby boy, very long but skinny, I could feel his weight as I held him.  I think I am getting closer.  It feels like it's all coming together.  I wonder how many people feel this way and months or years continue to pass.  But really, focusing on the positive is the only way to go.
Baby H, we bought a cute little yellow rug for your room yesterday.  You can move in anytime.  We love you!!!!!

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Four days early......

Well, I didn't even have to wait for two weeks this time.  I will take this as a blessing.  Waiting the full two weeks is painful.  Having my cycle arrive late, way MORE painful.  Coming early...not fun, but ends the pain a little sooner. 
So, of course, I am not giving up.  I start fertility acupuncture on Saturday.  I have my first fertility consult with a Western OB on the following Tuesday.  I look forward to the alternative treatment.  I am not quite sure why I am going to the other appointment, but maybe I will know that after it happens.  I also found a midwife that I might like, via online reading, and I might contact her just to counterbalance anything the Western people might tell me about my bicornuate uterus.
 So, another month that wasn't the right time.  I have been in not the best space anyway.  Feeling much better this week, more open, more relaxed.  Of course the babe wants to come into this world when I am at a good place in my heart. 
Advice from my pregnant friend..via her midwife:  Have sex every day and be happy.
More practice....not a bad thing.  We are going to try seven days in a row.  Let's see if I can make it past day three.   That will be a record.  We are going to try in the mornings instead, since I'm not as much of a night girl like I used to be. 
That's the latest.  Meditating consistently, finding more happiness, less stress......
and getting more hopeful instead of discouraged. 

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Adrenal overdrive

I had a reflexology appointment this afternoon.  I've had many massages before, and I've spent a short amount of time pressing and rubbing some acupressure points on myself, but never had a formal treatment like this.  It was mostly a foot massage, but there was a lot of specific focus on points on both feet.  My left foot was certainly sore in a few areas.  And, wow, my right foot in this one spot was so incredibly sore I could barely breathe.  The therapist told me this represented the adrenal glands.  Surprise, surprise.
Over the past year or more I've delved into quite a few books on regaining hormonal balance.  Ealier today, while waiting for my car to have a recall issue fixed, I popped into Target and skimmed through yet another book of this genre.  The book was finally one of the more simple ones to read, without so much indepth science that it is slighty nauseating, as I've found with most of the previous books.  There was definitely talk about adrenal overload.  I decided to not buy the book, and get it cheaper on amazon.  I am a full time volunteer afterall.  It was just ironic and not at all ironic really, that the adrenals came up again, this same day, in the form of feeling the pain of just how unbalanced they are.  So now I'm going to google how to assist my adrenals to find some harmony. 
Stress is always a trigger, and much as we might not like to admit it, stress is a part of EVERYONE'S life.  I am no exception. 
Sometimes I feel I should be!  I am a yogini, a twice daily meditator and practioner of genuine yoga.  I live a full time yogic lifestyle.  However, this  does not automatically negate the stresses of life.  And, of course, by nature, I have a somewhat type "A" personaliry.  So, sure, I experience stress.  Is my meditation practice failing me??? Absolutely not.  I can only imagine how insane my adrenals might have to work if I DIDN'T live this lifestyle.  So, there I go, in search of refining my ability to find balance and stay out of the extremes.  Good luck with that girl!!!! (I says to myself)

Saturday, June 29, 2013

The road to fertility so many have traveled

This is a long, windy road, that many people before me have traveled.  The road to creating a life.  I am 36 years old.  Just got married almost one year ago.  Not much different than lots of people I know, lots of people I've heard of in this situation  We have been trying to have a child since the month before our wedding.  This month, is month eleven.  Every month feels like "the month".  This month feels no different. 
The first six or eight months was torture.  Who knew that a little bit of blood could create so much anguish.  Every time my cycle came, I would be distraught.  Then I decided to let go a little.  I stopped tracking everything, I stopped taking pregnancy tests one week before my period was due, or at all, some months. 
I found out about seven months ago that I have a "bicornuate uterus".  This seems to be known as a heart-shaped uterus.  One that may have a septum that creates the illusion of two chambers, and one form where there is an actual rigid wall of some degree that creates two chambers.  They are not able to tell me which kind I have or to what degree.  I have no insurance, so I won't be finding out anyime soon.  I've read this uterine shape can make it "difficult" to conceive, or "difficult" to keep the baby if pregnancy occurs, depending on the shape.  I am working hard not to let this affect my potential, as I have also read stories of many who didn't even know they had a bicornuate uterus until AFTER they gave BIRTH to a healthy BABY.  Yay!
This month feels ok.  I haven't lost hope.  No, just gotten more realistic.  It is just as likely that my cycle will come to greet me in two weeks.  I don't get so mad at it anymore.  I am trying to make peace with myself and my body.  After all, I probably had some to do with why my body has been out of whack for some years anyhow. 
I did a cleanse six or so weeks ago.  An ancient Ayurvedic technique, called pancha karma.....eating kitchari for ten days, and doing various "treatments", including daily oil massage.  I felt for the first time in a long time, that I was truly taking care of myself.  Not that I've been horrible.  I have a bit of a sugar addiction, which I've been working on improving for years, with success.  Success meaning at one point 10 years ago I could eat an ice cream cake by myself, now I feel its hard to finish a pint of Ben and Jerry's on my own.  Progress!!!! 
I have cleaned up my diet over the past year.  Slowly, slowly, taking away small amounts of sugar at a time.  Since the cleanse I have been relatively, not strictly, gluten free.  And I have generally been dairy free for a few years, though I cheat whenever there is a good enough reason to justify doing so.
I am also a meditator.  I meditate just about every day, and usually two times per day.  This gives me an opportunity to let go (or at least attempt to...) of my tensions and stress about this issue and any other stressful aspects of my life.  I would say that my life is pretty amazing.  Full of grace.  And this process I am going through is also an aspect of that grace.  I imagine it will be much easier to feel that when I am holding my baby in my arms and writing of my success.  I am trying to enjoy the process. 
Life is about the road, the journey, not so much the destination.  Not to say that I don't still desire this destination, and would really like it to be here sooner than later.  But really, finding peace, finding happiness, finding joy in this process, is what I want this baby to be created from.  Not my fear, not my tension, not my anxiety and stress.  So, baby H, whenever you are ready, we are ready too.  I hope you enjoy your journey too.